I’ve been back at the gym again, full on! weigh in at 270 lbs. To some of you that may seem a horribly high number. In my world that is amazing! I am 6’3″, with broad shoulders, although people may be more polite then I perceive, have always been told I never look the weight I was. At 362 pounds more people would refer to me as.”BIG GUY”. A term I have despised ever since I reached my current height. How would people appreciate my response to that was to point out their most obvious physical trait? Such as,” Oh hey, guy with one nostril larger then the other!” or ” Hey person with breath like you just ate a rotten corpse!” .
My stature has always been my biggest embarrassment. As you can see I’m going on my mental make up as to how i perceive myself. I was not raised to take pride in my image or myself. There its out there! I became an emotional eater. And Like many others out there, and maybe you reading this. I found that solace in food, where I didn’t get comfort through my growing up environment. That part is now dealt with and we are moving on! At one time a group of friends once referred to me as,”Big Daddy”. A pet name, with every mention, made me cringe with shame.
I found now, in the words of RuPaul Supermodel of the World’s Grandmother,”What other people think of you, is none of your business!” Words more should live by! My journey to MORBID OBESITY, was a slow progression, as my road to healthy fit and georgeousness won’t be!
I am human, with all the salt and sweet cravings. Comfort food, a love for red wine, all comes with the territory of being me! And I love ME! I Love me enough to really pay attention to what I do to the body that is mine. I really should care more for this vessel my mind and soul is occupying than I had in recent years. It almost seemed like because I am so tall that I should have been just as big around.
Negative body image issues include an unfortunate side effect. Even when people are expressing their admiration, fondness, or love, it is not perceived as compliments. It is all a horrible insult, and negative critique. Wow huh!!!??? Who knew calling your kids fat, or comparing them to others would have such a long lasting affect that bites you in the ass later.
My emotions were controlled by food and my food intake were controlled by my emotions. Bloody hell I hate cyclical shit like that! And here is how I broke that like a plate at a Greek wedding!
Now that I had the knowledge that the food I was eating caused my health issues, I had to break that cycle of emotional highs and lows. Which I know now where also determined by the foods I was eating! Yup eating processed foods with artificial anything actually affected my moods! A name brand cola, made me feel great! For a few moments, then I had to chase that dragon’s tail to keep that high all day. But you had to come down at some time. And that come down is hard as f**k! So then I had to soften that come down with a comfort food. Pizza and potato chips were my comedown drugs of choice. It is so easy to go to the local corner store grab chips and dip (and another liter of cola) eat the whole bag, and container of dip. And yay! I felt fuzzy cozy sleepy and good!
I was an un-leveled person! I needed to level out and figure out how to make that path to a static life of happy! I was seeing a therapist for 3 years to level my head and wash off that negative armor I had worn for most of my life. Thank you to her for her help and words of wisdom and enlightenment! Once I started to see that light on that issue I knew it was time to fix the physical damage I incurred because of those insecurities.
After doing my research about food and “foods”, I now know that the “FOOD” industry has poisoned me into thinking that what they had pre-prepared for me in those shiny, pretty, easy to open packages. Was not food at all! But a chemical shit storm, that my body would store as fat. And I firmly believe that those chemicals made me want more of those chemicals, and steered me away from real WHOLE FOODS.
It was not uncommon for me to buy a pound of ground beef, a packet of hamburger noodle and sauce. And eat the whole pound in one sitting. And still feel hungry! Imagine eating a pound of beef, noodles salty sauce and believe that you still needed more food.
Because I hadn’t eaten real whole foods, my stomach would still feel empty. Because my body was trying to find nutrients of some kind in that vat of fat steroids, antibiotics, growth hormones and fecal matter (ps they have found that in ground beef for every 500lbs of ground beef there is 1lb of fecal matter, that they radiate with an x-ray machine to kill the fecal matter. Yup! Research it!) There was just enough real food nutrients that your body will want more of it. Especially when all you are ingesting is that highly processed refined food, and not any real foods. Think about that.
As I said before, deleting bovine products from my daily diet, it took three weeks before I had clarity. It was three weeks before I stopped craving my old favorites, cheese, beef, milk, dips, sour cream, mayonnaise. And pre-packaged foods. It was three weeks before I could clearly make a food choice when I was grocery shopping. Three weeks before I woke up without a fuzzy head, and physical pain. Three weeks of being lost on how to eat a meal. Or prepare one for that matter!
Because bovine is in sooo many of those foods, I found I was not just looking at the nutritional content, but the ingredients too! you will be shocked at how many of those “foods” have cow in them!
So if the majority of highly processed, refined, pre-packaged products, contain bovine by-products, and obesity, heart disease, cancer rates are at the same percentage levels that are in packaged foods, why are you eating them?
Well my friends you ponder that and let me know what you think! Its late, and time for me to rest before I hit the gym tomorrow and start my day fresh! I am also super excited to try my new mincer out!! To make homemade falafel from scratch! Yay! Sleep well, because a great nights sleep is essential to a great life! Mwhua!